Mothers are supposed to protect and nurture their young…even animals do. This was not the experience of young Randall Wilson. His case of abuse and abandonment was horrifying, even for Volunteers of America’s seasoned treatment counselor Claryce Burris who thought she had heard it all. “This is one of the most amazing testimonies of forgiveness I have ever witnessed,” said Claryce. “Randall is an outstanding young man.”
Randall was born July 1982, the biracial son of a prostitute and drug addicted mother. He grew up in the tough north side neighborhood of Newstead in St. Louis. Young Randy was physically and sexually abused by his mother…yes…his mother! Randall did not go into the horrific details of the sexual abuse. His father, whom he last saw when he was six years old, already had a wife and family and was just another one of his mother’s “Johns”. His mother would put out her cigarette anywhere on his body she chose to. “One day she threw me out the 2nd floor window of our apartment building,” Randall recalled nonchalantly. “Luckily, I landed in some bushes…I guess she was mad about something.” Randy had a sister. He vaguely recalled memories of her…it was rumored through the neighborhood that his sister had died from neglect. “This is not hard for me to believe,” Randy said. “I spent most of my very early childhood days roaming the streets, even as a toddler dressed only in a diaper. While roaming the streets one day Randy got hit by a car and ended up in the hospital. The physical scars from abuse were evident on his young body. The hospital reported the abuse and Randy was placed in foster care but was returned to his mother after a year. “I would walk several blocks to the pool hall to find my mother’s pimp to get money for food.” “I even got shot at one day by one of her dealers.” She robbed the guy. “He could not find her so he decided to kill me I instead.” “I swear, I lived in America’s little Vietnam!”
Randall recalled back in the late 1980’s spending one of the coldest days in St. Louis’ history outside in the stairwell of a neighbor’s basement. The neighbors had recently moved in and were renovating a house down the street. “Each day I would look forward to seeing the elderly couple as they walked their dog.” “They talked to me and allowed me to pet their dog.” “I didn’t even realize at the time that I was developing a relationship with these people.” Most of the time young Randy didn’t know where his mother was. In any case, he didn’t want to be there…in the house…with her. It was getting dark, he was hungry and was sparsely dressed, shivering out in the cold but he knew that the couple would be home soon, they always got home before dark. That evening they took him in and the next day they reported the abuse to the police. “I had to go to court…they put me on the stand….a six-year-old child, to testify against my own mother.” “I froze…I didn’t understand that…” the rest of Randy’s sentence trailed off…unfinished. Randy was too young to understand what he was doing but he knew in his heart that he was being violated. The couple became Randy’s legal guardians but were unable to care for him. He went through several foster homes, where he again experienced severe physical abuse before his mother consented to give up parental rights and he was finally adopted.
Life was semi-normal for Randy…he had food and shelter…but he could not escape the pain of his past. As is normally the case in instances of child abuse, Randy was angry most of the time and his behavior problems escalated when he started hanging out with the drug dealers on the corner. He was 18 years old when he was encouraged to join the military. Randy continued to sell drugs while in the military and after he was out until he was caught and sentenced to Federal Prison.
His surroundings had changed, but in his heart he was the same bitter and angry young man. One day a counselor at the prison who had reviewed Randy’s background information shared a film with Randy that awakened emotions he never knew he had. “The film was about a guy who had a similar experience like mine,” Randy said. He did not deal with his emotions and he too became an abuser. “I knew then that if I did not deal with everything that had happened to me I could end up like that guy.”
After serving 57 months Randy was sent to Volunteers of America to complete his sentence. “I am not going to lie,” he said. “I hated it here…if it wasn’t for Miss Claryce I don’t think I could have made it!” “I had to learn how to feel… I didn’t know how to feel...my mother stole my feelings even before I knew what feelings were.” “With Miss Claryce, I could take anything that I thought I was feeling to her and I would get an educated, un-biased point of view.” “At times I was so angry that the inside of my head and chest would burn like they were on fire.” Randy was learning to face the horrible pain he had gone through as a child but at the same time, he had to learn to take responsibility for his own actions.
Rules and regulations at Volunteers of America and the expectation that all clients seek employment is sometimes a challenge for many who come through the facility. Randy was assigned a case manager who was responsible for establishing his service plan. Next he was referred to one of the agency’s employment specialist. He learned how to budget and allocate money for expenses. “At first Randy was difficult to work with,” said VOA’s employment specialist Uta Edmonds. “But once he got a job, he worked diligently with his new employer…and is held in high regard by them.” Participation in weekly drug education and life skills classes is voluntary at VOA and Randy willingly participated. GED and adult education service referrals were available as well as AA, and NA services through partnerships with local agencies and churches in the community. Randy spent 18 months in Volunteers of America and took advantage of all services that were relevant to him. The individual counseling sessions with Miss Claryce had the most lasting impact on him. “She taught me that I had to forgive my mother and then forgive myself.” “I struggled with that for a long time; it was a lot to deal with.” “I was hurt by the one person in the world that should have loved me unconditionally.”
At 26 years old Randy agreed to seek his mother out. It was an emotionally charged phone conversation. “She has made some positive changes in her life…she said she was happy to hear from me and that she loved me.” Randy however, was guarded... “It was the hardest thing for me to tell her that I love her…but I have forgiven her.” “It has been a long road, but… I have finally stopped running from my memories.” “I decided I didn’t need to put an age on when I grew up…I didn’t have to wait until I got it all out of my system.”
“He was one of the toughest nuts I had to crack,” Claryce said. “He was so very guarded and resistant to change but once the tough exterior wore away, he’s been very responsive, he is willing to listen, to accept advice… and apply it in his life.” Randy has a girlfriend for whom he cares a great deal. “I truly believe he wants the cycle of abuse to end with him and wants what we all want and need in life, someone to love us unconditionally.”